What's Your Love Language: by Gary Chapman (The 5 Love Languages)
Love is like the art of music—it speaks to and is wanted by everyone. In order to give and receive love, the right form of communication must be utilized.
We all feel most loved when others are using the love language that is unique to us. So, which love language best communicates that feeling of being loved to you?
Knowing you and your partner’s love language makes for a healthier relationship.
It is often the case, after being in a relationship for a long time, that real communication begins to falter. Understanding each other’s love language might fix the problem.
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, believes that there are 5 different methods for communicating and understanding emotional love.
The 5 Love Languages
1. Words of Affirmation
This individual’s communication of love is through words of appreciation, encouragement and verbal compliments. They will often express their affection by praising you and supporting your interests which might give you a clue that this is their love language. Saying “I love you” is important, but saying the reasons why is even more so. For this person - they might need to hear words of affirmation several times a day to know that you love them. You can be their personal cheerleader.
2. Quality Time
When you spend quality time with someone, you’re giving them your full and undivided attention.
It’s not always just being with someone in the same room, but being present and mindful of everything the other person is saying, particularly when someone is talking about something they truly care about or you are sharing an activity that means a lot to the other person.
3. Receiving Gifts
This language is an easy one to do and this is a person who feels loved by the thought and effort that goes into the gift (or gesture) that they are receiving. It’s not the gift itself they love, but the knowledge that they were being thought about. Even the smallest gifts can go along way. A piece of chocolate, thinking of you card or note and a gift delivered to their work can say volumes.
4. Acts of Service
The Acts of Service language is cherished by those who love it when a spouse does something for them without being asked. Consider creating a honey do list.
If you have a lot of chores or errands to run and your partner relieves some of the burden by doing it for you, you feel most loved. If your partner makes dinner, mows the yard, washes the dishes, or buys groceries, you will feel truly appreciated and supported. If this is your love language, don't be afraid to ask your mate or spouse to do small things for you like taking out the trash, putting gas in your car, doing a load of laundry.
5. Physical Touch
This person feels most loved when they’re near you. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, or getting a back rub go a long way. Many of us speak the language of physical touch because nothing is more of an immediate reminder of being connected to someone than the sensation of touch. The simple gesture of sitting next to them on the couch or legs touching under the table can be a big reminder for this person that they are loved. Kids with this love language might need more hugs or the hand on the shoulder for extra reinforcement. Even big kids (your mate or spouse) need more.
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